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Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Ouch, ouch, OUCH!!!!
And here I thought today was going to be kind of a good day...that's what I get for thinking. So I had my appointment today with the orthopedic surgeon who drained my cyst last time. I figured he'd just drain it again and that we'd probably discuss surgery again. I decided against surgery last time for two main reasons. First, he had told me that it could take a few weeks to recover from the surgery. But mainly, going with the drainage option was immediate, he could do it right then. So I wouldn't have to wait in pain any longer, because the first open surgery date was about a month or so out. And we all know how impatient I am! LOL But he had also said that sometimes just draining it was all it took, that it didn't always come back. Obviously, with the infamous Horner luck on my side, I should have known better. LOL
So he walks in and takes a look at my wrist and immediately starts pushing on the sore spots...as doctors always do. Then he asks me how my carpal tunnel has been. I'm not sure if that was something that he noticed in the x-rays last time or just a theory he has, but I don't remember him telling me that I had that last time. Before I can question it, he starts asking me more questions about my pain and numbness and tingling in my hand and fingers. He says he's concerned about that and that I might need surgery for it, and if that's the case he would probably be able to fix both problems at once. So he wants to schedule me for a test to see how bad things are, possible nerve damage and such. He tells me that the EMG (electromyography) will be able to show more. Now I'm not completely sure, because it was so long ago and I was having so much crap done to me at the time, but I think I had an EMG done before on my legs back when my back and sciatic nerve first started killing me. More needles...lots of little ones jabbed all over. I'm hoping that it won't be as bad this time because there's not as much of an area to deal with. But who knows, I guess I'll find out soon enough.
Then he informs me that the cyst is too small to drain this time, but that he's going to give me a cortisone shot there and that it might help some with the pain and possibly even shrink the cyst. I say ok, thinking he'll probably numb my wrist like last time and hopefully the shot won't be too painful. I'm trying to block out all memory of the pain from when he drained it last time. He walks back in with a needle and I immediately cover my eyes...I fucking hate needles, he remembers this and doesn't make fun of me this time. Then he sprays this cold stuff all over my wrist and explains that it should help numb it a bit so I shouldn't really feel the needle stick. Bloody hell, I believed that bullshit for about a second...then I'm trying not to come out of my chair and hit him, all while fighting back tears and screams. I do voice quite a few "ow ow ow"s and even some "ok ok"s, and I'm not 100% sure, but I really think I even let a few "fuck"s out as well. And just as I'm about to beg him to stop, he finally says, "Ok, I'm done....I'm so sorry about that". He holds onto my wrist for a bit with his other hand gently on top of my other hand, I think mostly to keep me from falling out of the chair because the room's spinning. He keeps apologising. Meanwhile I'm remembering all the joint and nerve blocks I had in my back before and wondering how I've managed not to kill a doctor yet. He tells me that it will be sore for a few days, but that it should help. I'm trying to keep my "somewhat composed" face on and acknowledge that I'm supposed to wait there while they set me up with an appointment for the EMG. As soon as he leaves the room, I feel a flood of tears that I'm fighting to keep at bay while I'm still writhing from the pain.
So to reward myself for handling yet another needle ordeal...and not crying or passing out from pain, I get myself Starbucks. It doesn't help much, but right now any small comfort is better than nothing.
On top of my now constant heel and wrist pain, my back was grinding again last night and of course my sciatic nerve didn't want to be left out of the pain game, so I had shooting pain down my leg too. But despite all that, I was in pretty high spirits this morning. I was convinced that I was going to be eliminating at least one of the pain sources today. Silly me...that's what I get for thinking. But my EMG is scheduled for the 25th of this month, then I have to meet back with my wrist doc on the 1st of October to see where we go from there.
Sigh...I'm still wondering why we only feel the need to be humane to animals and the criminals being put to death. I dreamt the other night that I called a vet, and described all my ailments, only under the guise that I was referring to an animal, and asked his opinion about quality of life and whether it would be more humane to end the animal's suffering. The vet seemed disgusted to think that anyone would consider making this animal suffer and asked when I would be bringing the animal in. I remember kind of laughing to myself and waking up with my words echoing in my mind..."I fucking KNEW it...it's so unfair"!
So he walks in and takes a look at my wrist and immediately starts pushing on the sore spots...as doctors always do. Then he asks me how my carpal tunnel has been. I'm not sure if that was something that he noticed in the x-rays last time or just a theory he has, but I don't remember him telling me that I had that last time. Before I can question it, he starts asking me more questions about my pain and numbness and tingling in my hand and fingers. He says he's concerned about that and that I might need surgery for it, and if that's the case he would probably be able to fix both problems at once. So he wants to schedule me for a test to see how bad things are, possible nerve damage and such. He tells me that the EMG (electromyography) will be able to show more. Now I'm not completely sure, because it was so long ago and I was having so much crap done to me at the time, but I think I had an EMG done before on my legs back when my back and sciatic nerve first started killing me. More needles...lots of little ones jabbed all over. I'm hoping that it won't be as bad this time because there's not as much of an area to deal with. But who knows, I guess I'll find out soon enough.
Then he informs me that the cyst is too small to drain this time, but that he's going to give me a cortisone shot there and that it might help some with the pain and possibly even shrink the cyst. I say ok, thinking he'll probably numb my wrist like last time and hopefully the shot won't be too painful. I'm trying to block out all memory of the pain from when he drained it last time. He walks back in with a needle and I immediately cover my eyes...I fucking hate needles, he remembers this and doesn't make fun of me this time. Then he sprays this cold stuff all over my wrist and explains that it should help numb it a bit so I shouldn't really feel the needle stick. Bloody hell, I believed that bullshit for about a second...then I'm trying not to come out of my chair and hit him, all while fighting back tears and screams. I do voice quite a few "ow ow ow"s and even some "ok ok"s, and I'm not 100% sure, but I really think I even let a few "fuck"s out as well. And just as I'm about to beg him to stop, he finally says, "Ok, I'm done....I'm so sorry about that". He holds onto my wrist for a bit with his other hand gently on top of my other hand, I think mostly to keep me from falling out of the chair because the room's spinning. He keeps apologising. Meanwhile I'm remembering all the joint and nerve blocks I had in my back before and wondering how I've managed not to kill a doctor yet. He tells me that it will be sore for a few days, but that it should help. I'm trying to keep my "somewhat composed" face on and acknowledge that I'm supposed to wait there while they set me up with an appointment for the EMG. As soon as he leaves the room, I feel a flood of tears that I'm fighting to keep at bay while I'm still writhing from the pain.
So to reward myself for handling yet another needle ordeal...and not crying or passing out from pain, I get myself Starbucks. It doesn't help much, but right now any small comfort is better than nothing.
On top of my now constant heel and wrist pain, my back was grinding again last night and of course my sciatic nerve didn't want to be left out of the pain game, so I had shooting pain down my leg too. But despite all that, I was in pretty high spirits this morning. I was convinced that I was going to be eliminating at least one of the pain sources today. Silly me...that's what I get for thinking. But my EMG is scheduled for the 25th of this month, then I have to meet back with my wrist doc on the 1st of October to see where we go from there.
Sigh...I'm still wondering why we only feel the need to be humane to animals and the criminals being put to death. I dreamt the other night that I called a vet, and described all my ailments, only under the guise that I was referring to an animal, and asked his opinion about quality of life and whether it would be more humane to end the animal's suffering. The vet seemed disgusted to think that anyone would consider making this animal suffer and asked when I would be bringing the animal in. I remember kind of laughing to myself and waking up with my words echoing in my mind..."I fucking KNEW it...it's so unfair"!
Posted by: LLH / 10:21 AM 
